Duplicity IC Contact

[bothbarrels]

 I suppose if you've reached this message I'm not around to accept your contact.
So, you can just leave it here, and I'll be sure to contact you back as soon as I can.

Comments

[bothbarrels]

We can walk.

[ Outside would be better, being home would be better, anything that's not being stared at in the middle of the gym. ]

[ownperson]

Okay, c'mon, let's get our shit and go, okay?

[ She gives his arms another squeeze, and throws everyone looking at them a death glare anyway for good measure as she turns to go grab their stuff. Starts unwrapping her hands on the way.

As soon as they have their things, they head outside and she bumps him with her hip in lie of squeezing his hand or something. ]

...at least it wasn't, like, yelling?

[bothbarrels]

[ He has his bag on his shoulder and is staring down toward the sidewalk as they make their way along. ]

I'm crying.

[ As sensitive as a guy he is, he knows most of the types who frequent places like Patch's are not into seeing men cry. ]

[ownperson]

So, you're saying I should've just started yelling?

[ It's another weak attempt at humour and she can feel it fail even as she says it. She sighs, shifts a bit so she can wrap her arm around his back without stopping them walking. ]

...sorry. But anyone who'd be a dick about it can go fuck themselves.

[bothbarrels]

Yeah. I know.

[ As much as he'll feel that later, it helps to have her say it, because he was embarrassed. ]

[ownperson]

[ She'd be fucking mortified if she'd started crying and nothing would change her mind, so she gets it. She gives him a squeeze, bumps his shoulder with her head. She's going to wait until they're back in his room to even think about starting this back up again.

Once they're there, she lets him put his bag down and stand, sit, wherever he wants, before firmly but gently repeating a sentiment from the last time they were talking about this: ]

Me being alone was entirely my own fault, Drew. Entirely. I was alone because of my own selfish fucking choices, just like I probably fucking died because of my own selfish fucking choices, and none of that is your fault. None of it is something for you to fucking feel bad for.

[ She absolutely does not catch what comes out of her mouth in the middle there. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He had chosen to move to the couch, and he stares at her after she says what she says. He's had enough time now to stop sniveling, and he blinks at her. ]

Are you just saying 'she died the way she lived' or are you saying you know something about it?

[ownperson]

[ ...oh, shit.

He gives her an easy out. Right there. Right in front of her face. Just say yeah, sure, that's what I mean, I mean that if there's a me out there still living out her life then she probably dies one day because she fucked up again. Easy.

One problem: her poker face doesn't exist if she doesn't put real effort into putting it on. She doesn't have the chance to wipe the deer in the headlights look off her mug before it's obvious. ]

Uh. Yeah. The first thing. Y'know. Back home I wouldn't've ever gotten this kinda kick up the ass, so...

[ Convincing. Absolutely, totally convincing. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He doesn't believe her. ]

Anja...

[ownperson]

...fuck.

[ She buries her face in her hands to muffle a wordless, frustrated noise as she does an aborted 180 turn. Thinking to herself: way to fucking go, Anja, you decide against telling him on purpose in proper words, only for your fucking mouth to start moving faster than your goddamned fucking brain again. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He catches her arm as she turns. ]

Anja, tell me.

[ownperson]

[ She looks at him, for a long moment. Doesn't pull her arm from his grip. Then she tears her eyes away to stare anywhere but his face. ]

I— [ she makes an aborted little noise, grits her teeth ] You weren't meant to find out like this. For fuck's—

[ She drops off into indistinct mumbles, hisses air between her teeth. ]

...yeah. Okay. I fuckin'— I fuckin' died. Apparently.

[bothbarrels]

[ He keeps his hand there. ]

Apparently how?

[ownperson]

I've only heard about it third fucking hand, okay? I didn't... I got pulled to the rig before it happened.

[ She hasn't lived it. She hasn't lived it, but she knows all the details. It's just that she knows too damn well that sharing those details will put a mark on someone else. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ His other hand goes to her other arm. ]

You heard about what?

[ownperson]

Drew...

[ Fuuuuuuck. Fuck fuck fuck. He's as stubborn as she is sometimes and fuck right now she wishes he wasn't. Wash is here, she can't just... ]

I fucking pushed my luck and got a bullet in the face for it, okay?! I— I just—

[ She probably deserved it. She probably fucking deserved it. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He lowers his hands to her wrists. ]

You know all that but you don't know why?

[ownperson]

Not— exactly.

[ By one interpretation, it's not a lie; by the one he means, it definitely is. She doesn't know why she was there, there's no reason she can imagine ever risking being that near Wash. She didn't live long enough to make whatever stupid choice that was. But she knows why Wash did it. ]

[bothbarrels]

Only kind of?

[ He frowns. She seems to be holding back and he doesn't know why. ]

So tell me the kind-of reason.

[ownperson]

What else? I pissed someone off. Is that really a surprise?

[ Deflect, deflect, deflect. She can't look him right in the face or he'll be able to tell just how bullshit all of this dodging around it really is. Her hands flex into fists and release again. ]

[bothbarrels]

What?

[ He moves a hand to her chin and lifts her face toward him. ]

What are you hiding and why?

[ownperson]

Drew—

[ She grits her teeth, wrenching her head away from his hand, but of course he doesn't let her turn away again that easily and just moves with her. God-fucking-dammit. How the fuck is it she can spend months lying to his face but in situations like this, every fucking word out of her mouth gives her away? ]

I told you. I pissed someone off, that someone had a goddamn gun in their hand, bang. Goodbye South. It's that simple.

[bothbarrels]

[ He pauses, considering what she'd just said. He lets her go and sits back against the couch. He waits, thinking. A hand goes to rub his chin. ]

Someone?

[ownperson]

Yeah, someone. I told you, I only know all this third hand. It's not like I stood there staring down the barrel myself.

[ But she doesn't like the look on his face. At all. Her brow furrows and she eyes him warily. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He continues to rub his chin. ]

And who told you this?