Duplicity IC Contact

[bothbarrels]

 I suppose if you've reached this message I'm not around to accept your contact.
So, you can just leave it here, and I'll be sure to contact you back as soon as I can.

Comments

[ownperson]

[ She squeezes her eyes tighter shut, but it still does nothing but make the budding tears leak. ]

I'm not gonna hurt myself. I'm not. I'm not.

[ quieter, muffled ] Not gonna hurt myself. Not going anywhere. M'not.

[ She doesn't know what else to say. She can't take what she's already said back, and she doesn't want to say more that may just make him more upset. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He pats her back. ]

'Kay. I believe you.

[ownperson]

[ She nods, gives him a tight, tight squeeze and bumps her head against the side of his. Breathes in, then out slowly. ]

...I didn't mean to— I didn't think...

[ She really didn't realise what she was putting out there. Didn't realise any of that was in her. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He squeezes her again. ]

It doesn't matter.

[ownperson]

[ She sags against him a little, like she feels heavy. She kind of does. ]

I love you. M'sorry.

[ She really does hate upsetting him more than ever, these days. It's what makes handling some of this so hard. Sometimes she has to push, sometimes it's going to be hard. This wasn't... she doesn't even know what this was. He was never meant to find out any of this like this. ]

[bothbarrels]

I love you, Sis.

[ He releases the embrace just enough to pull back and look her in the face. And holds there, looking her in the eye, not speaking. ]

[ownperson]

[ She looks back at him, but starts feeling awkward under the silent gaze, the scrutiny, after too long a moment. ]

...what?

[bothbarrels]

I just...

[ He pauses, shakes his head, and returns to hugging her. ]

You're here. I'm here. We are both here.

[ownperson]

...yeah. Yeah, we are. We're both here. And not going anywhere.

[ She buries her face in his shoulder and breathes. They're both here, they're both alive, they're both alive and here together. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He's willing to cling for a good while, but eventually he decides she probably wants to be let go. ]

All right.

[ownperson]

[ A part of her just wants to stay there like that for a long while, but when he lets go she figures he wants to let go, now, so she lets him. Rubs at her face once she's got use of her arms again. Heaves a sigh. ]

...I meant it, about the guns. If you're worried. I'm really not gonna do anything, but...

[ A shrug. She doesn't remember ever seeing him quite like what she just witnessed, so. A couple weeks to ease his mind would be... fine, probably, if he needed that. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He gives her a long look. ]

No, it's okay. I believe you.

[ownperson]

Okay. [ deep breath ] Okay.

[ She looks him in the face, then ends up with her gaze centered on the wall. ]

...I was gonna tell you eventually, like, properly. About dying. I just wanted to do it right. [ snort ] Way to go me, I guess.

[bothbarrels]

No...I'm glad it happened the way it did.

[ He had left one hand on her arm; now he drops it and goes to sit on the couch again. ]

I don't know what to say about my side of things. I'm not good at thinking out loud.

[ownperson]

[ The first bit makes her brow furrow in confusion, but, no, right, she wouldn't have told him about Wash if she'd had time to prepare a better story. Wouldn't have let on half of what she apparently just did.

She stands there and watches him for a moment, before following him back over and sitting down. She slides down into a dramatic slump. ]

I know. Just... try, maybe? Or just... think first, I don't know. Got nowhere to be if you don't want me to fuck off, yet, so.

[ Another shrug. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He pauses, doing just that, thinking. ]

I just want to do things right, and I don't know if I'll know when I'm doing it. The patronizing thing, I mean. The York under the Dome got on my case when I was passive-aggressive so I'm starting to recognize that, but...

[ownperson]

[ She rolls her head to the side to look at him, and nudges his leg with her foot. ]

And you think me, bitch extraordinaire, won't get on your case about it more, now?

[bothbarrels]

I don't particularly want to be getting yelled at all the time.

[ownperson]

[ She flinches, but— fair. Fair. ]

...I can like, not yell. Y'know. Long as you actually like... listen. Don't shut me down if I say you're doing it.

[bothbarrels]

[ He pauses, then nods. ]

I will try not to be stubborn.

[ownperson]

Try, huh?

[ But the corner of her lips is quirked into a little smile, she's joking. She knows it's all about trying. She's still trying every day. ]

Thanks. Really. I just want you to hear me, y'know.

[bothbarrels]

Yeah. I know.

[ He's still kind of lost, though, feeling that she's unrecognizable with the revelations of this conversation. South was always strong and had a huge amount of self-esteem. He watches her without comment after saying this. ]

[ownperson]

[ Her brow furrows, again. She slumps sideways so she can bump him with her shoulder. ]

...you're doing a lot of staring, today.

[bothbarrels]

I guess.

[ He turns from watching her to looking down at his hands. ]

I don't know what's happened to you.

[ownperson]

[ That furrow deepens. She still doesn't get this part. Sure, she's changed, but... not that much, and isn't she changing for the better? Sometimes the bad things she's done feel like all she is, yeah; she knows she is— was, a monster, but isn't that a good thing? To know that, now? ]

A lot happened Drew, you know that.