Duplicity IC Contact

[bothbarrels]

 I suppose if you've reached this message I'm not around to accept your contact.
So, you can just leave it here, and I'll be sure to contact you back as soon as I can.

Comments

[ownperson]

...nothing. I didn't— I didn't mean it like that.

[ She deserved it. She deserved it. She doesn't want to die, she really doesn't, that's not what it is, it's more complicated than that. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He stares at her for another long moment. ]

You need to reconcile this in your head. Becoming better doesn't undo what you did.

[ownperson]

[ She blinks at him. Just— blinks. Utterly fucking dumbfounded, and hurt. She sits up sharply. ]

That's— what? That's not— you think that's what this is about?! I know I can't undo it, Drew! I wish I could but I know I fucking can't and I live with that every fucking day! Why do you think I feel like I fucking deserved that damn bullet?! That monster was, is, me, okay, I know that, I know that!

[bothbarrels]

[ He's left staring at her, holding his breath. Then he seems to deflate, sinking back into the couch. ]

Okay. Okay.

[ownperson]

[ She sags, too. Slumps sideways, again, head against the back of the couch and legs pulled up under her. ]

…m’sorry. I’m trying.

[ She keeps upsetting him, it feels like. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He lets out a wordless, humorless chuckle. ]

I just... I want things to be better. Why can't we just fast forward to when it's better?

[ Why? Because things worth doing take work. He knows this. But he doesn't want to have to. It's going to be hard and he doesn't want to have to. ]

[ownperson]

[ She reaches over for one of his hands so she can squeeze it. ]

You know why.

I wish shit were simple, too, but we are— we’e anything fucking but, and… and I wanna get there. I wanna fucking get to when things are better.

Can’t do that on my own.

[bothbarrels]

[ He turns his hand over to squeeze her hand back. ]

I know. God.

[ownperson]

[ She keeps a firm grip, shaking his hand and arm slightly. ]

Call each other on our shit and keep trying, yeah?

[bothbarrels]

[ He returns the gesture. ]

Yes. We can do that.

[ownperson]

[ They see shit the other just doesn't and no, she doesn't understand why he thinks she's so unregognizable, so it's not faultless, but it's not useless either. ]

Good. Fuckin'— [ deep sigh ] fuck, I feel like hell.

[ Like she's had a sledgehammer taken to parts of her. It only feels half as metaphorical as it really is. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He frowns. ]

I'm sorry. But I honestly don't think I feel much better.

[ownperson]

[ She gives him a tired looking smile, squeezes that hand again. ]

Wouldn't expect you to. Think I fuckin scared you half to death there, let alone the fucking rest...

[bothbarrels]

I felt like ripping in half.

[ Which explains why he went to the wall for support. ]

[ownperson]

...sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out. I really didn't realise...

[ Didn't realise what it sounded like. Didn't realise how she was feeling at all, really. ]

[bothbarrels]

Yeah.

[ He sighs. ]

[ownperson]

...d'you want me to go, or— or can we sit for a bit? No more arguing, just. Sit.

[ She sighs, too. ]

[bothbarrels]

Just sitting would be good.

[ownperson]

[ She slumps a little with relief. She really didn't want to leave, just yet. ]

Mm'kay.

[ She shifts over a bit, so she can settle close to his side and rest her head on his shoulder if he lets her. She feels so fucking weighed down it's unreal, like for all the weight they keep trying to lift off each other they just keep piling new, heavier stuff on. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He releases her hand to put an arm around her shoulder. If she's content to sit there like that in silence for a time, so is he. ]

[ownperson]

[ She settles, one arm draped over his torso and her head tucked against his shoulder, relaxing a little more with the arm around her. Content, for once, to just indulge in some quiet. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He remains there, occasionally dozing, until he realizes his arm has gone numb. Instead of complaining, he makes a little stifled grunt and stretches his shoulder in place. ]

[ownperson]

[ South isn't quite sure if she dozes or zones out, just listening to both of their breathing. She barely realises time's passed until she hears that little grunt and feels him shift. ]

...if you need me to move...

[ Mumbled, loud enough to be heard but mumbled. ]

[bothbarrels]

Mmhng.

[ He doesn't move or respond beyond that. This is better than arguing by far and he doesn't want to stop it right now. ]

[ownperson]

[ She rolls her eyes to herself, thinks 'dumbass' with all affection, and at least shifts a bit so her head's not in the same spot. She doesn't want to move anywhere for real if she doesn't have to, either. ]

Bit better?