Duplicity IC Contact

[bothbarrels]

 I suppose if you've reached this message I'm not around to accept your contact.
So, you can just leave it here, and I'll be sure to contact you back as soon as I can.

Comments

[ownperson]

Okay. [ deep breath ] Okay.

[ She looks him in the face, then ends up with her gaze centered on the wall. ]

...I was gonna tell you eventually, like, properly. About dying. I just wanted to do it right. [ snort ] Way to go me, I guess.

[bothbarrels]

No...I'm glad it happened the way it did.

[ He had left one hand on her arm; now he drops it and goes to sit on the couch again. ]

I don't know what to say about my side of things. I'm not good at thinking out loud.

[ownperson]

[ The first bit makes her brow furrow in confusion, but, no, right, she wouldn't have told him about Wash if she'd had time to prepare a better story. Wouldn't have let on half of what she apparently just did.

She stands there and watches him for a moment, before following him back over and sitting down. She slides down into a dramatic slump. ]

I know. Just... try, maybe? Or just... think first, I don't know. Got nowhere to be if you don't want me to fuck off, yet, so.

[ Another shrug. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He pauses, doing just that, thinking. ]

I just want to do things right, and I don't know if I'll know when I'm doing it. The patronizing thing, I mean. The York under the Dome got on my case when I was passive-aggressive so I'm starting to recognize that, but...

[ownperson]

[ She rolls her head to the side to look at him, and nudges his leg with her foot. ]

And you think me, bitch extraordinaire, won't get on your case about it more, now?

[bothbarrels]

I don't particularly want to be getting yelled at all the time.

[ownperson]

[ She flinches, but— fair. Fair. ]

...I can like, not yell. Y'know. Long as you actually like... listen. Don't shut me down if I say you're doing it.

[bothbarrels]

[ He pauses, then nods. ]

I will try not to be stubborn.

[ownperson]

Try, huh?

[ But the corner of her lips is quirked into a little smile, she's joking. She knows it's all about trying. She's still trying every day. ]

Thanks. Really. I just want you to hear me, y'know.

[bothbarrels]

Yeah. I know.

[ He's still kind of lost, though, feeling that she's unrecognizable with the revelations of this conversation. South was always strong and had a huge amount of self-esteem. He watches her without comment after saying this. ]

[ownperson]

[ Her brow furrows, again. She slumps sideways so she can bump him with her shoulder. ]

...you're doing a lot of staring, today.

[bothbarrels]

I guess.

[ He turns from watching her to looking down at his hands. ]

I don't know what's happened to you.

[ownperson]

[ That furrow deepens. She still doesn't get this part. Sure, she's changed, but... not that much, and isn't she changing for the better? Sometimes the bad things she's done feel like all she is, yeah; she knows she is— was, a monster, but isn't that a good thing? To know that, now? ]

A lot happened Drew, you know that.

[bothbarrels]

A lot happened.

[ He repeats it, sounding bewildered. ]

Explain some of it?

[ownperson]

I— [ she would if she understood what he was getting at, what he actually thinks needs explaining ] I told you, y'know? I was alone, and then I was on the rig, and made me rethink shit. Made me see how fucking bad I'd gotten.

[bothbarrels]

And that made you...? That made you rethink yourself?

[ownperson]

[ She sits up more, turns so she's sat sideways looking at him. ]

God, fuck, Drew, I'm not that fucking different [ is she? ] I'm— I'm trying to get better, isn't that the whole idea?

[bothbarrels]

I... Yes?

[ He should agree with that, right? So why does it feel like his sister has been replaced with a pod person? ]

[ownperson]

[ Her face falls for a second, before it recovers. ]

You don't exactly sound sure about that.

[ Something in her chest twinges. She's doing all this for him as much as herself and everyone else, after all. ]

[bothbarrels]

I should be.

[ He pauses, then heaves a sigh. ]

Okay, no, it's just...I'm having trouble with it because I don't recognize you. You're saying things that I...

[ownperson]

But I'm still me. [ she jabs a thumb against her own chest ] I'm not— I know things have changed, but... what the fuck am I saying that makes me unrecognizable?

[bothbarrels]

[ He's still staring down at his hands. He clenches them loosely into fists. ]

Everything? Like, you know, there may have been times I hated it but you always had yourself at number one.

[ For all he's encouraged her to be better over the years, the fact that it has actually happened just seems impossible to believe. ]

[ownperson]

[ She scrubs her hand over her face. ]

Again, isn't me not doing that the fucking point? Like— ugh.

[ She says, as if they didn't just have a whole thing about him being scared she was going to hurt herself. ]

[bothbarrels]

No? You said you want to be better, not stop prioritizing yourself.

[ownperson]

Being better means— means not being fucking selfish, right? We had a whole fucking conversation about this, you were surprised then but I didn't think—

[ She's confused. She's so confused. ]