Duplicity IC Contact

[bothbarrels]

 I suppose if you've reached this message I'm not around to accept your contact.
So, you can just leave it here, and I'll be sure to contact you back as soon as I can.

Comments

[bothbarrels]

[ He chuckles softly. ]

That'd be their fault for having so many knick-knacks around in here.

[ownperson]

Oh, no, not even the fuckin' knick-knacks. I'm gonna try do the dishes or something and break the faucet, somehow, just watch.

[ There's things they need to talk about. She knows there are. But this— this is the most normal conversation she's had with him in months. ]

[bothbarrels]

Well, you know what they say. 'Sometimes things that are expensive are worse.'

[ownperson]

[ She snorts a little laugh, bumps him with her shoulder. ]

Y'know I was trying to drag myself there, but sure, let's blame their stupid expensive tastes anyway.

[ She pulls her legs up onto the chair, leans against his side. Casual closeness like she hasn't really leant into in years, no matter whose perspective you're looking from. ]

...I'd say I'm glad you're here, but that feels so fucking wrong to say in a place like this.

[bothbarrels]

...Yeah

[ He pauses. ]

You know we have to talk about the last thing we remember and all that.

[ He's done this song and dance before with her. ]

[ownperson]

[ She swallows, nods instead of speaking at first. She scrunches her eyes shut, breathes in, breathes out. ]

Yeah. I know. I don't think either of us are about to get the answer we expect, though.

[ He let her hug him. He's letting her lean against him. There's no way he's from the rig. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ That's already a bad sign. But all he can do is take the plunge. ]

Last thing I remember was being in a place called Proles, where the corporation in charge had taken you into their custody. I tried breaking into headquarters with some people to rescue you, but we got caught.

I never did see you again.

[ He looks down, fiddling with his fingernails. ]

That was months ago now.

[ownperson]

[ She sucks in a hissing breath between her teeth and digs her fingers into her calf so hard it actually hurts. She doesn't even know if she wanted to be right or wrong, but it's like a sucker punch either way. ]

...last thing I remember was being on a big old oil rig moving through a fucking dystopian nightmare world. We'd just broken free of the asshole corporation that enslaved us when we turned up. You were there.

[bothbarrels]

[ He speaks quietly: ]

I had a feeling we were from different places.

[ He sighs deeply. ]

Before you were taken into custody you told me what you'd done when I died, you know. And we weren't speaking.

[ownperson]

[ God. Fuck. She jolts away from where she's leaned against him, removes all points of contact, even though she wants nothing more than to stay right where she was. ]

...guess some things are a fuckin' constant, huh.

[ Couldn't she have this? Couldn't she just— couldn't something go her way? If he had to be from somewhere else, couldn't she have at least started over? ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He looks over at her. ]

You don't have to do that.

[ But something about the way she's acting now tells him more about what he needs to know about the whole thing. ]

I think about that every day, Anja. You were taken away, and we weren't speaking.

[ownperson]

I don't have to—

[ Of course she has to. She has to, because all she can think about is the way he just sat there, totally limp in her attempts to hug him, how this is the first time she's even heard her real name since.

Anger rises up like it always does, but it's weaker than it ever was before. It's more hurt than anything else and she hates it. She hates that she can't bury it, anymore. ]

T-That's what it takes, huh? Me— her— getting fucking disappeared.

[bothbarrels]

[ He frowns. ]

What what takes?

[ownperson]

[ Her mouth opens, then closes, her teeth gritting so hard they grind together. Her jaw tense. Now he's asked she doesn't even... she's not sure... ]

You regretting not fucking talking to me. You— You—

[ Considering forgiving her? No, she can't even say it. She still doesn't even believe it's possible. ]

I-I don't know, Drew. Okay? I don't even fucking know.

[bothbarrels]

[ He sighs. ]

Yes, apparently that's what it takes to regret not talking to you. 'Cause look, you know, what you did was awfully shitty. But that doesn't mean I cut you off forever. Not even half of forever.

[ownperson]

[ He sighs and her teeth grit harder, her knuckles go white from her balling her fists. She doesn't want to do this, not again. ]

The you from where I was? He told me he couldn't even fucking associate with me until he figured out how to forgive me. Sounds an awful fucking lot like forever to me.

[ She sounds... pained, more than anything. It still hurts. She understands it, maybe even believes it's what she deserves, but it still hurts. ]

What did she even say? That me? Because that— that wasn't me. I don't know how she explained any of it. I don't...

[ It hits her how hypocritical that is even as she says it, to condemn him to the words of another version of him as she asks for an explanation of her own. Fuck. She thought she was getting better. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He shrugs helplessly. He doesn't want to let it stand between them, but what else can he do? ]

Just that she found it more important to get rid of Theta than to safeguard my life. That it was easier to let the Meta do what she hadn't been able to do. That she was too selfish to step in when I really needed her help. Stuff like that.

[ownperson]

[ She almost wishes it were more dissimilar to her own reality, worse somehow so that she could claw something back from this, but of course not. Nothing about this has ever gone in her favour, why would it start now?

Her shoulders shake, a little. With strain, more than a sign of oncoming tears. ]

...right. Yeah. I wanted to let it take Theta. I thought then... then it'd just be us again, and we could actually get away. Fucking shitty fucking idea, didn't think it through at all. E-Even besides how much you'd fucking hate me if you ever knew it was my fault you lost Theta, y-you would've been so fucked up we wouldn't have stood a chance fighting it and— and I fucked up the timing, anyway. Came to help too late. Wouldn't risk my own fucking life to try save yours.

[ It never gets easier to explain. Her old self's logic falls apart a bit more with every retelling, makes her feel a little bit worse every time. ]

[bothbarrels]

Right.

[ He lets himself shudder down, slouching into the couch and resting his head on the back of it. He stares at the ceiling. ]

I haven't forgiven you. But I don't want to cut you off.

[ownperson]

[ Her breath catches.

...for a second she's not actually sure she's heard him right. It's too close to what she'd oh so hoped he'd say, back in that changing room, that she wonders if she just imagined it. Not a 'I forgive you' that she'd never believe, but an honest sounding 'I don't', and— ]

...you— you don't.

[ It's a question, even if her voice is flat. She turns her head half-way to look back at him. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He tells the ceiling: ]

I don't. I already did that once, and suffered the consequences.

We have to be able to find a way through this without the silent treatment being involved.

[ownperson]

[ Something that’s not quite as simple as relief washes over her, and her shoulders slump. It feels… wrong, in a way; he lost that other her and now she’s reaping the ‘benefits’, but— but not wrong enough that she doesn’t suddenly feel like she can breathe again.

This is what she wanted, isn’t it? More than anything? To work through it all without having to lose him? ]

…I really thought I’d never get to talk to you again…

[ It’s quiet, barely above a mumble. She presses her lips together, then carefully, slowly, shuffles back his way. If he’ll let her, she’ll rest her head on his shoulder and curl up against his side—but she stays ready to move away, if he won’t. ]

[bothbarrels]

So it was like that with him, too, huh?

[ When she leans her head on his shoulder, he raises his other hand and gives her a pat on the head. ]

Maybe it was supposed to be like this. I don't know.

[ownperson]

He was still there, but— but s’like I said, he said he needed to forgive me first, y’know? A-And… and I know I don’t…

[ She sighs, curls up tighter against his side. ]

I know there’s no forgiving the shit I did to you, Drew. But I can live with not being forgiven if there’s other ways forward.

[bothbarrels]

[ He responds by remaining quiet, sighing. He doesn't push her away, but he doesn't keep purposely touching her beyond one last ruffle of her hair before he lowers his arm. ]