Agent North Dakota | Andrew Engelsen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bothbarrels) wrote2021-08-22 10:30 am
bothbarrels) wrote2021-08-22 10:30 am
Duplicity IC Contact
I suppose if you've reached this message I'm not around to accept your contact.
So, you can just leave it here, and I'll be sure to contact you back as soon as I can.
no subject
...yeah. God, it sounds even more pathetic like that, but... yeah.
The stupidest thing is you babying me all the time pissed me off. I wanted more freedom from just being the twins, but... the second something got between us...
[ Another sigh. ]
I'm not proud of it.
no subject
It's one thing being looked at as 'the twins' all the time; it's another no longer being in that dynamic. Yeah?
no subject
Mmhm. It was always us, you were always there, and suddenly that felt... felt like it could change. And I think it kinda fucking terrified me.
[ She's quiet for a second. Tucks herself a little closer, subconsciously more than on purpose. ]
We talked about this, y'know. And more. All my fuckin'... complicated feelings about being us, wanting to be me but not knowing how. And... and I want to talk about it again, because I want you to understand, and I want to understand you, but—
But I do want you to know I know none of this is a fucking excuse for how I acted.
no subject
You know what, we need each other here. More than ever.
no subject
[ She tenses, briefly, as if not expecting the arm, but as soon as that tension releases she's more relaxed than she even was before. ]
Yeah. Yeah, we really fuckin' do. We need... we need to look out for each other.
...you need help with anything, things you need a dominant to sign off on or something, just let me know, okay?
no subject
How'd you end up Up there, anyway?
no subject
Fuck if I know. You know I've always liked girls who could give me a run for my money [ which is about the least 'ew' way she can think of to discuss this total misalignment with her fucking brother of all people ] so there's no fuckin' logic to this shit.
York told me the rest of you all ended up in the Down. Figures I end up an outlier somehow, I guess.
[ Maybe she's a little bitter about the 'not being near people she knows' side of things. ]
no subject
[ He sighs. ]
There should people who can go back and forth. That's where I'd be.
[ Which is also a non-ew way to discuss this with his sister. Or maybe it's too much information, but oh well, he's said it now. ]
no subject
[ She snorts, shaking her head a little and poking him in the stomach. Maybe a little too much, but she'll forgive him that. ]
Couldn't control us all if that was an option. Same old same old, huh?
...York also told me you wanted to go full fuckin' rebel on this place, you know.
no subject
I tried. I failed at it. And it was stupid, anyway. You can't fight the system that way.
no subject
[ She tilts her head back to look up at him. ]
...really thought I was gonna have to give you a lecture for once, because no shit it isn't; gotta play this shit right. Do I wanna know what happened? You okay?
no subject
I went to the festival thinking I would convince people to stop participating. And I just dived in, head-first, instead.
no subject
[ Her brow creases with worry and she wraps one arm around him to give him a squeeze. ]
...people do keep warning me how this places messes with us.
You're not hurt though, yeah...?
no subject
Not hurt, no. I just felt kind of...wrong, after. Off.
no subject
Not surprised. Sounds like some real fuckery.
[ The squeeze back is more reassuring for her, in turn, than it has any right to be. She settles again, arm still around him. ]
We just gotta... play this whole mess the right way. Figure out how to get by in the most tolerable fuckin' way for now.
no subject
no subject
...I'm not even gonna ask in what way.
[ She's teasing, gently. And she's absolutely not going to get into the fact the pair of them were straight up dating back where she was. ]
I'll... figure shit out on my end. And try help you fuckers in the Down when I can. Least I can say that for having this stupid designation.
no subject
Yes, that way. I had to tell him that back where I came from we had a one-night stand. I did that thing where I turned bright red, so that was fun.
no subject
[ Oh yeah absolutely not getting into the dating thing. ]
Of course you fuckin' went bright red. Dipshit. Absolutely not gonna ask what the fuck went on with him where you were, that's way tmi, but hey. You trust him, right, so. More than some people here can probably say.
[ She has... no idea what she's going to do about quota, yet, but at least casual, no expectations flings are what she's used to. ]
no subject
It wasn't really like that.
[ But the details aren't important. ]
I do trust him, though. So that definitely helps.
no subject
[ Okay, that makes her brow knit, but— she doesn't ask, not just because she doesn't really want to know details, but because it doesn't sound like a happy thing. ]
Focus on that part.
...I'm glad you're not alone down there. Least you guys can look out for each other.
no subject
I'll do as much looking out for you as I can, too.
no subject
...thanks.
[ She goes quiet, then gives him another squeeze. ]
Love you, Drew. I'm not happy you're in a place like this, but I'm happy we at least have each other.
[ She really has missed him so fucking much, even when he was so close by. ]
no subject
And yeah, I feel the same way. Sucks to be us, but at least we're both here together.
no subject
[ No, she does not fucking tear up a tiny bit when he actually says it too, shut up. ]
...stay as long as you can so we can catch up on the like— least fuckin' stressful bits of everything...?
[ There's so much for both of them, she's sure, that they need to talk about, but this has already been... a lot. She just wants to talk to her brother without getting into the rough shit, for a while. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)