Sanctum IC Contact

[bothbarrels]

 I suppose if you've reached this message I'm not around to accept your contact.
So, you can just leave it here, and I'll be sure to contact you back as soon as I can.

Comments

[pain_train]

"It was nice seeing you, after the riots were done. But yeah... You've been busy. And I've been busy too. And that's okay, I think. Had to do all the stuff with the house, and I've been taking care of Orion and Maine so I haven't been totally useless."

She squeezes his hand again. "I guess... what do you want?" Since she doesn't know what she wants at all, though she's been pretty good at knowing when she doesn't want something.

[bothbarrels]

God, what a question. Especially right after mentioning Maine. It sucks, because Maine can't help being who he is—it's not like he's done anything here, or as this version of himself. Without Sigma's influence Maine wouldn't even have done what he ends up doing. But that doesn't change North's physical reaction to seeing the man. Especially in his helmet.

North bites the tip of his tongue, then sighs and rubs his temple. "I have to be realistic. There's what I want and what I can have. And I have, I've done what I can to meet you in the middle. To give you what you want." He frowns. They're never going to match up, are they? His desires and hers. That's why he's been so hesitant to voice them.

[pain_train]

She doesn't like how this feels at all, in a way. Like poor North is just... settling by being with her. And shouldn't he get what he actually wants?

"That doesn't actually answer my question," she says. She doesn't know what she wants, and that's her problem. She doubts that's North's problem.

[bothbarrels]

"I want..." He squeezes her hand. "I want for me to be enough." That's what it boils down to; that's why he's always been a monogamist, and that's something that hasn't changed even though he made his mind up to change it. That's not so easy, it seems. "And I'm not going to get that...am I?"

[pain_train]

"I don't really know what you mean by that," Wrath says quietly. "Maybe that's the problem."

[bothbarrels]

"Yeah," he says. "I think so." He adjusts the way he's sitting, angling his shoulders back straight again and leaning his head back. "When it's just you and me, you make me happy. But lately, things you do have made me unhappy. And they're not things I have any right to ask you to change. They're not even wrong. We're just different, and that's not going to change."

[pain_train]

"I'm sorry," she says quietly. "You're a really good person, North. You deserve to be happy. I'm shitty at this girlfriend thing, and I don't know what I want. Maybe I misled you, and I feel bad about that."

[bothbarrels]

He's silent for a long moment. "I think at least half of it was convincing myself." He looks down at their entwined fingers. "Maybe I should go."

[pain_train]

"If that's what you want," she says. North seems to have a better idea about what he wants than she does. She squeezes his hand again, warmly. She does care about him, even if it's not in the way she should. And maybe that's why this hurts so much. She can't be good at this. Worse, she doesn't know if she'd even want to be, and she feels like she's hurt him for nothing. "Just tell me what it means."

[bothbarrels]

He laughs ruefully. "I don't know." By the look on her face and the way she squeezed his hand this really doesn't seem to affect her all that much. "I just feel like I need to."

[pain_train]

Is harder to process things and feel them, with as many drugs as she's on. She also isn't entirely certain what any of this means yet. "I don't think I'm ever going to be any better at this," she says, looking down. "You should do what you need to do and not feel bad about it, though." Because if he leaves? It's her fault. And there's not really anything she can offer him in honesty to keep him there. She doesn't know who she is, what she wants, other than it doesn't seem to be the same thing that North wants.

There must be something wrong with her. "But if I so get better, I'll tell you." Maybe that's worth something.

[bothbarrels]

"No. Don't worry about it." Not if 'getting better' means conforming to his standards. They're impossible for her and expecting her to change isn't fair. He removes his hand from hers, and stands, gathering their food containers to throw out.

[pain_train]

"Okay," she says, even more quietly. "Thank you, North."

What else can she say, other than, "I'm sorry."

[bothbarrels]

"I know. I am too." He doesn't look at her again as he sticks the containers back in the bag they'd come in and grabs his water before slipping out the door.