bothbarrels | Sanctum IC Contact

Some of it. The full extent? That came later.

Not the hardest wait of my life, but, it was up there.

[ Funny how conversations can so easily circle around York. A magnet for trouble, and much else besides. She's content to drain her mug a little further, settle back in her chair and listen to North. ]

Those were before my time. I saw some of the news on the network, about XXX, but I was fortunate. I never had to deal with that myself. Kilo was bad enough.

More? [because there's still plenty of bottle where this came from] Or you can try something else if you want.

If you don't mind. This other bottle looks good.

Go right ahead.

[ He reached over and poured himself a draft of it; paused to take a drink before speaking again. ]

Doing all right with the reflections? Looks like you've got most everything here covered up that you can?

Too many featuring dysthrope for my liking. Although.. There was one where our lives were like one of those twentieth century Westerns. [Bizarre. Fun, kinda. But bizarre, when you're a future space marine.]

Nothing peaceful. Guess that's a little too much to ask. You?

I've seen a lot of things. Mostly...

[ He raises his hand slightly to look at his fingertips, rub them together. What he'd seen this afternoon is still in his mind, like an afterimage after looking at the sun, still burning bright in his vision. ]

...mostly things about Freelancer. [ He licks his lips. ] And I didn't know about the touching.

[ She stills a moment, watching the hand gestures, taking in the movements coupled with his words. ]

I don't know if I'm lucky or not that I haven't seen anything about the Project yet. [yet. right now, she's beginning to think it's only a matter of time] Experiencing things. Something that happened to you during Freelancer?

Not to me. To some other version of me. That's—that's what we think these images are. Or at least some of them. They're other universes, other lifetimes.

And...

[ A long pause. He takes a drink, forces himself to look at her instead of at the blank space over her shoulder. ]

It was good. It was so good. But I wish I'd never seen it.

[ She stares at him, eyes widening slowly, and there's a short intake of breath when he finally...say something she didn't expect. Of all the conclusions that she could have come to, that it would be something good? Had not occurred to her. ]

..I'm sorry. [and she means that, quite sincerely] It must have been something very special.

I've never felt anything like it before. And the fact that I...me, that other me, got to live in it and keep it for himself...

[ He won't tear up, he's cried for its loss already, but his gaze is haunted and distant. A hand comes up to rub his cheek. ]

Me and York. It was me and York. And we were...so in love.

[ Excuse her as she stares a moment, the words sinking in as North explains.

Love. In love with York.

It's funny, how things come back around to him, isn't it? ]

[ Then she takes a sip, a mouthful of alcohol to wash away any the shock, and there's a sad, sypathetic smile given when she's done.]

It must have been some love between you, if you wish you'd never seen it.

[ He nods shortly and takes a drink of his drink. ]

You hear them talk about love in stories and fairy tales and it sounds like something made up, just for the fantasy of it, like an impossible standard, you know? You don't think you could possibly ever love someone enough that you're consumed with it, like it's in your bone marrow, like you can't even breathe when you think about the fact that the person you love could die. Like you'd be willing to give up your livelihood and career if it got in the way of the two of you being together.

[ He's been looking her in the face; there's not a hint of dissembling in his words or his manner. He means every bit of this.

I loved him, and he loved me, and we knew it was false but it didn't matter. Because the emotions come that strongly with it.

And that's why I told you not to touch.

[ If anything, Carolina sits a little straighter, looks a little more remote as she listens and drains her mug slowly dry. She's never had much stock for fairytales - fables, yes, because those stories taught you something, but she never held much truck about knights in shining armor saving the princess.

If there were dragons to slay, then she could save herself.

But she listens, face still sympathetic, even as she feels something contract, feel her heart be squeezed tightly. She has never known a love like that, not until it was too late, and even after, she had wondered why it hadn't been enough.

It's no wonder he wished he'd never known it. It's hard to return to reality after being given such a dream, only to have it torn away. Not that it had ever been his to actually own in the first place..

Such is her attention, the mention of 'we' doesn't go amiss, even as North wraps everything up with his warning. Lashes flicker. Oh. Oh. Oh North. ]

[softly] York saw it, too?

[ A lowering of his face, just slightly; he plays with the handle of the mug. ]

We didn't even have to explain to one another what we'd seen. He just said, "I remember it. I remember it all." And I knew what he meant.

[ Silence. What do you do, what do you even say to that?

Then Carolina leans forward, stretching over the table, to rest one hand over the one fooling with the mug, fingers warm and the hope that physical contact, however brief, might convey some level of comfort she doesn't really know how else to give. ]

[ He turns his hand enough to grasp hers with his thumb; just a moment of connection is exactly what he needs. It's good to know she sympathizes, understands why this is hard for him. And it's good to be able to tell someone. ]

[ She isn't certain that she'll ever truly understand how deep the impact of this runs. But... Bad enough that one of them felt it, but both?

It's little wonder that North is out of sorts, shaken so badly. And couldn't wait to leave the house. She rubs her own thumb against the knuckle of his, and tries another smile. ]

I'll remember.

And you know you're welcome to stay as long as you need to. [the couch is long and comfortable, and she has blankets she can give him, if he won't accept the use of her bed instead]

Thanks, but I'll probably go home first thing. I left Theta alone.

[ Another thing to feel guilty for; his mouth twists miserably. ]

[ ..Ah. ]

Call him, so he knows. Let him know it ended up later than you thought, and it was safer to crash here on my couch.

[which isn't a lie, really. Drinking and driving has never been safe, no matter what the century. And the CoHo and her CoHort are out there -- for all that Carolina isn't aware that she's been subject to a visit without her consent.]

Yeah.

[ He slowly drags his hand out of her grasp and puts his glasses on to call Theta. It's kind of disturbing how quietly Theta takes the news in, but there's not much North can do about it now. When the call ends he takes the glasses off. ]

I guess it's bedtime.

[ While he takes care of the call, Carolina stands and leaves the bottle next to him. Slips into her room to retrieve pillow and blankets - either for herself, or for him. He's taking off his glasses when she emerges, and she tilts her head at him. Tired isn't the word she'd used to describe him right now. ]

You're welcome to take the bed if you'd prefer.

[..not the party room, though. no one goes in there.]

Everything okay with Theta?

No, the couch is perfect.

[ He sighs. ]

I don't know.

[ The blankets and spare pillow are offered - for all that the couch has a few too for use. She pats his arm lightly in consolation.

The bottle remains on the table; the last of it is North's, if he wants it.]

It'll be all right. Talk to him tomorrow.

Last chance to change your mind about the bed.

[ He shakes his head. ]

Go to bed, it's okay. See you in the morning if I'm not gone first.

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pastdoesntdefine - 2014-11-18 01:38 (UTC) - Expand

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