bothbarrels: (A: Contemplation)
Agent North Dakota | Andrew Engelsen ([personal profile] bothbarrels) wrote2014-10-19 11:01 pm
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bothbarrels: (PB: On your side)

[personal profile] bothbarrels 2020-10-09 08:46 pm (UTC)(link)
1. I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.

2. Just remember, if you set your screensaver to be a slideshow, make sure you remove any dick pics first.

3. I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.

4. Who, me? I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god. You?

5. Text him!
bothbarrels: (PB: Thinking)

[personal profile] bothbarrels 2021-02-26 03:25 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Ok so my commander told me I could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about...

2. You know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.

3. I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls

4. He asked me to get him another beer, and somehow I started making muffins.

5. Text him!
bothbarrels: (PB: Thinking)

[personal profile] bothbarrels 2021-09-03 05:21 pm (UTC)(link)
1. She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren

2. This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handjob?

3. I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood

4. please don't ironically join a cult

5. Text him!
bothbarrels: (PB: Pondering that)

[personal profile] bothbarrels 2021-10-15 08:53 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Do you ever go through someone else's pictures and just appreciate the fact that you're not really friends with them?

2. I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

3. This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

4. I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.

5. Text him!
bothbarrels: (PB: Forthright)

[personal profile] bothbarrels 2021-10-29 11:05 pm (UTC)(link)
1. He's currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."

2. So we started a "sorry for partying" wall in our house which consists if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders we've gotten. The ENTIRE wall is covered.

3. Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.

4. I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u

5. Text him!
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